Meat Buns
by ExtraSaber
Summary: Noel purchases an excess of meat buns in hopes of increasing her bust size. However, her severe mental issues keep her from obtaining true happiness. One-shot, nonsense.


**Author's note**: k, like, this story isn't supposed to make sense. It's just something I crapped up while bored and in a state of having no internet. Do not expect anything, y'know, _good_.

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**_Meat Buns._**

* * *

"Maybe… just one wouldn't hurt."

Everyone's favourite lieutenant, Noel Vermillion, was stationed right beside a meat bun stand in Orient Town. She was not supposed to eat on the job, said job being the recovery of her beloved-ish Major Jin Kisaragi, but she was simply very hungry. Very hungry, indeed, and the closest vendor of foodstuffs happened to be the meat bun stand.

No ulterior motives on Noel's part. It's all for the greater good, she thought to herself. If she wouldn't eat now, she would most certainly starve to death, and a dead lieutenant would be of no use to the NOL.

"For the greater good…" Noel said to herself, turning to the leering lady behind the stand.

"Meat bun lady!" Noel called out, unnecessarily loudly. "I will purchase all of your meat buns!"

And just like that, Noel found herself aimlessly roaming Orient Town, barely holding on to eight bags filled with meat buns.

"Now… now I'll be just like Miss Litchi…" Noel kept repeating to herself in between fits of mad laughter.

Those crazy Library people, the startled townsfolk thought. It was not every day that a soldier would parade through their streets, laughing to herself while suggestively caressing bags of meat buns.

The citizens of Orient Town weren't the only ones to make note of the lacking lady's peculiar behaviour. A gentleman passing by, clad in a distinctive blood-red coat, couldn't help but be reminded of someone he knew as Noel walked by him.

"Is the Library a magnet for psycho weirdos or what?" He said to himself as he decided to make pursuit.

It seemed like trouble, but he had time to kill before the True Ending. Might as well see what this officer of the law was up to with that mountain of meat buns.

"Hey, whatcha up to?" Ragna calmly said as he nonchalantly reached into one of Noel's bags and pulled out a meat bun. He was about to take a hearty bite out of it until he felt cold steel being pushed against his face.

Staring him in the eyes was the barrel of Bolverk, a Nox Nyctores in the form of twin revolvers.

"You do not need meat buns. Your boobs are big enough already." Noel said in a harsh, flat tone. She had her rarely-seen business face on, an aura of pure killing intent surrounding her.

"M-my what?" Ragna had heard a lot of remarks about his appearance. His one red eye stood out. His snow-white hair most certainly stood out. However, until now, no one had really noticed his evidently ample bosom.

Noel had caught every bag in her left hand. They were stacked up all neat-like, with her still holding up poor Ragna with her right hand. Bolverk had clearly taken over her actions, as evidenced by her mechanical, efficient movements.

Normally, she would have dropped everything.

Breaking her stare at Ragna's chest, Noel looked into his eyes. With that piercing stare, Ragna could tell that she was absolutely and completely nuts in a way different from his estranged brother, but not necessarily a better way.

Noel gasped.

"You're… Ragna the Bloodedge!" She said as she tossed aside the meat buns to summon the other part of Bolverk with her left hand. "I'm placing you under immediate arrest!"

Her lucky day had finally arrived. She would arrest Ragna, get promoted, be able to afford those pet pandas, plastic surgery, etc.

"Your sacrifice won't be in vain, Mr. Bloodedge. All of the world's pandas will soon be mine, thanks to you." Noel said, smiling unpleasantly.

"What are you going on about? Do I even want to know?" Ragna sighed, reaching for the oversized lump of dulled metal he liked to call a sword.

"You're resisting arrest! First you sexually harass an officer of the law, then you resist arrest with deadly force… this will make my eventual reward all the greater…" Noel's unpleasant smile was growing even creepier.

"Whoa, whoa, what? I never sexually harassed you!"

"You had your big, scary hands all over my meat buns. It was traumatising, but I won't let it faze me!"

Ragna deflected rapid Bolverk shots with his sword. He could tell that Noel would not stop until she could arrest his corpse.

"You're never this scary in the other story paths! What's gotten into you!" Ragna called out to Noel, who had stopped shooting him to reload.

"Huh?" Noel stopped in her tracks as her dull eyes regained their youthful sparklyness. "What was I doing…?"

Seconds later, Noel was laying face-down on the ground. Ragna had smacked her over the head just hard enough to knock her out.

With that, he grabbed her and her meat buns and headed for Orient Town's clinic, not minding the huge crowd that had amassed around them.

* * *

"Good Guy, Good Guy, play with Tao, meow!"

The sound of Taokaka, the local cat girl, sexually assaulting Ragna woke Noel from her slumber.

"Tao, don't grope me the—agh!"

"Good Guy goes bouncy, bouncy!"

Noel stared at what turned out to be the ceiling of Litchi Faye-Ling's clinic. She was just there before her little excursion to the meat bun stand. It seemed like that place would never leave her alone.

"Tao, I don't have boobs! There's no—don't grope me there, either!"

"Wow, Good Guy has boobs everywhere!"

"Dammit, Tao! Gyaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Noel found it hard to go back to sleep, due to the racket in the next room. Groaning, she slowly got up, only for her face to be greeted by two shapely chesticles.

"Oh, you're up. Are you feeling alright, Lieutenant Vermillion?" The boobs said. Noel looked up to see the friendly face of Litchi, smiling ever so gently.

"Meat buns…" Noel said, her speech muffled by Litchi's sizeable assets.

"Hm?"

On further inspection, Litchi appeared to be holding a meat bun. She brought said bun closer to her face, as if to take a bite out of the coveted food.

"Give me that meat bun! It's mine!" Noel screamed, snatching the meat bun away from Litchi. She then proceeded to hungrily devour it.

"W-wait! Lieutenant, that's—!"

Noel was in heaven. She was finally enjoying one of Orient Town's signature meat buns. Surely this would increase her bust size by just a bit?

However, she couldn't help but notice the distinctly paper-like texture of the bun.

Her greedy chomps grew slower and smaller as she realised just what she was doing.

"Lieutenant, why are you… eating my note book?"

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Yes, that's really how it ends. No, you can't get your time or money back. Sorry.


End file.
